Archive for December, 2011

I love to eat!  Seeing me, you would naturally assume that.  I am fat.  I know that.  Knowing that I love to eat, I finally realized I will never be thin.  Thin people either don’t love to eat, are far more disciplined than I am or have an incredible metabolism.  I didn’t mention exercise.  Oh well.  What a relief to admit I will never be thin.  There’s still the possibility that I could dig down deep and cease to be fat, but I will never be thin.  That dream is dead and the burden with it.

I love to cook, too.  Especially if there is no time constraint.  For me, baking is the best.  I didn’t realize until recently that there are different types of cooks based on their personalities.  I like a recipe.  I like to measure and follow the directions.  So baking is great.  If I do everything according to the recipe, I will get the promised product.  I can actually go on autopilot a little bit.  Not a lot, mind you, or I could end up adding twice as much or half as much of something or leaving out an ingredient entirely.  No, I am talking about calmy and meditatively proceeding through a recipe, especially one I have made several dozen times, and feeling all my emotional baggage from the day drain away.  I think the stirring is the key.  Stirring is like rocking in a chair.  There is rhythm and repetition.  Chopping is a close second to stirring in meditative therapy.  Of course, I am a slow chopper.  I wish I had learned the correct technique to make a whole onion into a pile of small diced pieces in a matter of seconds, but that is not something I have mastered, even after watching Julie and Julia.  Perhaps if I chopped quickly I wouldn’t feel as relaxed.  Hard to say.  I do know that I can get lost in chopping.  Ahhhh.

Now give me a new recipe, especially if it is one that requires multiple bowls or steps, and give me a time constaint and you have a recipe for disaster.  When cooking a new recipe, it is best to give oneself plenty of time.  That allows for a sense of discovery and it helps overcome the panic when you realize it is going to take you twice as long as the recipe said.  Your husband is hungy, you’re hungry and you have to chop 5 different ingredients, plus go out to the herb garden and harvest flat-leaved parsley and thyme.  (See note above regarding chopping.)  It is much better if you are in a hurry to go with an old stand-by or at least have everything prepped.  Ever wonder how the top chefs are able to demonstrate a recipe so quickly and smoothly on television?  Their sous chef has prepped and measured all the ingredients for them.

My passion for food makes me a good cook, I believe.  Can a thin person for whom food isn’t their thing actually be a good cook?  Is proper technique the only necessary element or does a truly good cook imbue their creation with love?  That’s where I was tonight,  making lemon bars from scratch.  I used to have the recipe memorized I’ve made it so many times.  I was stirring the egg and sugar mixture that goes on top of the hot crust.  And I was thinking.  Thinking that I love food and I love to cook and I’m not a bad person for that.  Just because someone else may imply that they are better because they really don’t care about food, and they are thin doesn’t mean I have to believe it.  There’s nothing wrong with me.  I am who I am.  And I’m okay with that.

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